It's That Simple

“You know, you just make a choice about who you want in your life. It’s really that simple.” That’s what I said to my brothers this morning as we were driving to breakfast.

This weekend, my father, brothers and nephew were here to celebrate our marriage with us. We had a small gathering of close friends and our immediate family. Some friends they knew, some they were meeting for the first time. My family just kept telling us how great our friends and my in-laws are. And my in-laws kept telling me how great our friends and my family are (they all really hit it off, which was very cool - my dad and Bob’s mom were making plans to get together when she's vacationing in Florida).

As I looked around, I realized that yes... our friends and family are pretty great. I’m talking about people who are just so excited for us - and genuinely so. We love these people, and it’s not an accident that they are in our lives. They’re good to us, and each other. They’re funny, smart, kind, supportive, and positive.

I like to think that they choose to have us in their lives because they feel the same way about us. I hope that we always do the same and that they feel that we are good friends to them, as well... that we are supportive, positive forces in their lives. I’ve had some experience with negativity in others, and it’s just not something I tolerate well... and so I’m hyper aware of how important it is to support the ones you love.

I haven’t always been a good friend... but I’ve paid attention to my lessons, and I think I’ve learned from them. That goes for all relationships... pay attention. As I was just saying the other day, “the universe just keeps throwing it at you 'til it sticks”.

This morning, my brothers were telling me how refreshing it was to be around such good, happy people. That’s when I told them how I feel about it. You really do have a choice about who you spend your time with. Wendie wrote this post about toxic people a while back. It’s an interesting read.

Life is a series of decisions... roads you can take, or not. You can CHOOSE to be happy. You can CHOOSE to be successful, whatever that means to you. You can CHOOSE to be lonely, or to have a life full of love. It really is that simple.

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Confession Time

I have a confession to make.

I have not been less complicated or as chemical free as I would like to be lately.

I have become someone who gets her hair highlighted (see picture above), goes tanning and gets French manicures.

Something about weddings (no matter how big or small) kinda makes people crazy. I’m obviously not immune.

It’s about the pictures, really.

I started thinking about how we’re having this wedding on the beach and I wanted my hair to be lighter. Totally unnecessary… I know.

Then I started thinking about how we’re going to be in this intense sun and I don’t want to burn on our honeymoon. So, we both decided to go tanning to “build a base”. Plus, I’m wearing a white dress and I think a tan would be rockin’.

Then I started thinking about the inevitable pictures of our hands, and couldn’t bear the image of a photo of my scraggly nails next to my beautiful engagement ring. So… last night, while my husband-to-be was making dinner, I went and got myself a French manicure. Not JUST a French manicure… that might be forgivable. I got….sculptured nails.

How did I turn back into the girl I was 5 years ago?

I will stop soon. The tanning will stop when we leave, the nails will come off immediately following our return, and I will go back to my naturally dark hair.

So there it is. My confession. Please say you forgive me?

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Things That Made Me Happy This Week - Aug 22 2009

• More stuff checked off of Mr To Do
• Finishing the redesign on Bob’s new website
• Presenting a new idea at work and having it approved. Excited for a new project!
• Learning about Bach’s Rescue Remedy from Trish. For a great post on Bach's, click here
• Giant, side-splitting, tear producing laugh with Bob
• Finding out about Wendie's quote in The Atlantic. Congratulations, Wendie! And Happy Birthday!
• New camera!!

A few words about the new camera….

You may ask… Melissa, how is a new camera “less complicated”? Was your old one broken? No, the old one wasn't broken. In fact, we will continue to use it. There are several reasons for this purchase:

Bob and I both blog a lot. We take pride in the pictures we post and we want them to be the best they can be.

We’ve both become very interested in photography in the last couple of years and were ready to take the next step in our education. In order to learn about things like aperture, composition, ISO… we need a camera where we can actually adjust those things. A point and shoot won’t allow for that.

Photography makes you do things you may not normally do… go places you may not normally go… at times you may not normally go. Wendie says that the best light is sunrise and sunset. I wouldn’t normally go to a beach at sunrise, but if I know I might get a great shot… I’m much more willing.

Digital photography is a fairly inexpensive hobby. Once you’ve purchased the equipment, the only expense is gas money to get you to your location. Of course, the possibilities are endless in terms of lenses, filters, software etc. But those items can be purchased used or refurbished for less money.

Sharing a hobby is a great way for a couple to bond.

We’re going on vacation to a beautiful place in less than a month… we want to take beautiful photographs to remember our honeymoon!

So, after putting a lot of thought and research into it, we got ourselves the Canon EOS Rebel XS. So far, we’re loving it! I find it a bit intimidating but I'm excited to learn all about it.

Here is an unedited picture taken with the Kodak Easy Share point and shoot on the close up setting:

And here the same unedited picture taken with the Canon Rebel XS on the close up setting

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Am I Becoming a Minimalist?

I just want to get rid of stuff. I spoke here about how much I admired Adam Baker at Man vs Debt and his family for scaling down to only what they could fit into backpacks. See here for his list of possessions made before they left the country.

Maybe it’s because right now the wanderlust is overwhelming. Bob and I are off to Aruba in a month, then heading to San Diego in November for the Realtor convention (not me… I’ll be at the beach, sightseeing and spending time with my friend Karen).

I just love the idea of picking up and moving somewhere far away…and eventually that is our plan. We love the west coast and hope to live there some day, even if just for a few years. But the idea of lugging all of our stuff with us… that’s just not a good time.

I was reading this article on Zen Habits.net this morning and as I looked at the beautiful picture he posted, I felt immediately calm. The only real color in the image comes from the flowers, and the lamp is very simple. I do like to have lots of photographs around me though, so I don’t know how far I could really take the vibe in my own life.

In the article, Leo talks about how the minimalist lifestyle is about more than aesthetics, it’s about living with less… of everything. Less words (when writing), less goals, less food. It’s an interesting perspective, and what my own blog is kind of about, but for now I’m focusing on the aesthetic aspect, and the calmness felt as a result of not being surrounded by so many “things”.

So as I look around at all the “things we have collected,” I’m actually getting excited by the idea of getting rid of it. This weekend, we plan to spend some time in the basement going through the boxes we moved into this house with, that sit there, of use to nobody. We’ll see what we can donate, sell or recycle… and rest will be thrown away. Our dog trainer, Erika, is coming over tonight… we will give her all the extra animal supplies and toys we have collected that our animals don’t use to bring with her to the shelter where she works.

So it will be interesting to see where we are after we’ve actually gone through each room and scaled down. Maybe we will be SO scaled down that it will be actually possible to just pick up and move far, far away! Some day…

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Things That Made Me Happy This Week - Aug 8 2009

• Crossing stuff off of the To Do List
• Skyping with my brother in Iraq
• Caprese with balsamic and our own basil
• Discovering the blog Man vs Debt
• Booking our San Diego trip
• Lunch with Wendie
• Contributing to a successful presentation at work
• Receiving my wedding dress
• Spending time getting to know a new friend a little better
• Holding new friend’s baby
• Seeing Bob hold new friend’s baby
• Compliments on my new hair, when I was feeling unsure about it (compliment came from a friend who says nothing if she has nothing nice to say so I know she really did like it!)
• Finally catching up with a very busy friend in CT
• The really good laugh I shared with Bob at lunch yesterday

So... this is an interesting list. Here’s what I see when I look at it: I’m most happy when spending time with people I love and accomplishing tasks. Huh.

A few words about the blog Man vs Debt...

I’m so fascinated by this family’s decision to just get rid of everything they own and move to another country. This was a couple that was in serious debt. They made a decision to get out of it, save money, sell everything except what they could fit into backpacks, and move to Australia with their baby. And they did! Along the way, they changed the destination to New Zealand, but they totally did it.

I have increasingly felt this desire to be less tethered by “stuff”, which is one of the things that has led me to want a less complicated life. When we moved into this house, we put boxes in the basement that we haven’t looked in since. Do we need that stuff? Seriously?

I just had a conversation with my brother about this very subject. He has the travel bug for sure, and wants to see the world. Fortunately for him he has a job where he can do that. Not so fortunately, right now he’s in a war zone. But at age 26, he’s been to several states, Dubai, Spain and of course, Iraq. He doesn’t have much interest in collecting things. I told him that a friend of mine says “own your stuff, don’t let your stuff own you”. He thought it was great... and I realized my friend may have gotten it from somewhere so I Googled it and turns out it’s from the movie Fight Club:

“You buy furniture. You tell yourself this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple of years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own... now they own you."

Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club (1996)

Now listen, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate new technology or like nice jewelry. In fact, we recently got a new Mac. The idea I think is to really consider your needs. In our case, Bob really does need a good computer for work, and we both obviously blog a lot so we need to be able to do it frustration free. But out of necessity, we used the same crappy laptop for 2 years before we had the money to get this laptop, and when we bought it, we researched to death what the best investment would be for us. I also think technology that helps cut down on things that take up space is really great too... think iPod, Kindle, etc.

I’m also not saying that there isn’t value to having a comfortable home - especially if you have kids. There is a lot to be said for stability. I think it’s cool when people go “home for the holidays” and sleep in the bedroom they grew up in. Or take their spouse to the ice cream place they used to go to as a kid.

I just think it’s so amazing when people make the decision to be free of stuff and embark on an adventure like Adam and his family did. In my opinion it takes a lot of courage and I really admire them.

So there has to be some sort of “In Between” for people like me, who maybe aren’t ready to make that drastic of a change, but who want to be less “trapped”. I continue to try to find the balance.

“Take a look again

Take a look again

Things you have collected

Well, in the end it all piles up so tall

To one big nothing

One big nothing at all”

~"Seek Up" by The Dave Matthews Band

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Less Clutter: Part Two

Ok, that wasn’t so bad! Beth from Fake Plastic Fish challenged me to find ways to de-clutter without buying any plastic bins/drawers and I’m happy to say I only made two small (non plastic) purchases – more on that later.

As I mentioned, this is a two part series. Part One listed my main clutter issues and I actually addressed them all. I told you in Part One that Bob’s on board with the de-clutter idea. I think that if you live with other people, it’s a huge help when you’re on the same page. So, he definitely did his part to help.

CHALLENGE ONE: Bob’s “stuff” – keys, wallet, eye drops, sunglasses, loose change. Here’s purchase #1:

BUT it’s made of bamboo and canvas (I got it at Target)! Not plastic  It’s the simplest thing but so useful – AND I can keep current bills in it. OH and new rule… when mail comes in, we immediately decide whether it’s junk for recycling or a bill that needs to be paid. If it’s recycling, it immediately goes into the bin, so we don’t have piles accumulating. So it’s great to have something like this in place, but again… everyone needs to be on the same page. It took Bob some getting used to – remembering where to put his “stuff” but it’s totally working!

CHALLENGE TWO: Bob’s work stuff

Remember the drop zone idea I mentioned in Part One? I created my own. Ha! My intention in the beginning was actually to spend money. I wanted to get a tall table and some canvas bins. BUT… and here’s the best part: I didn’t have to spend anything for this project. It’s all about repurposing baby! We took a desk we weren’t using from another room and moved it into the dining room (where he used to “dump” everything). Then… I was in my storage closet at work one day and saw all these boxes that we no longer have a use for at the office. I asked my boss if I could take two home. He said yes and… voila! We have a new drop zone!! The point is… look around your house. I bet there’s some stuff you could find a new use for.

CHALLENGE THREE: My Laundry Folding Issues

I just dislike dealing with laundry. But I also know that I feel less stressed when the bedroom is nice and clutter free. So I simply have to suck it up and put my clothes away when they’re done. I’m finding it easier to do it each time I do laundry, rather than letting it pile up. Also, it’s helpful to periodically go through your drawers and closets to see what can be donated. This way there’s no struggling to get your stuff into drawers (which is sort of my problem). What’s that rule? If you haven’t worn it in a year… get rid of it?

CHALLENGE FOUR: Random items: receipts, magazines, product manuals, coupons, pay stubs.

You gotta just put in some time each week – come on, I know you have 30 minutes. Here’s what I’m doing now… about once a week, I go through the "random stuff" pile and do the following:

Have a scanning party. Grab a glass of wine or a cup of coffee and cozy up to your scanner. Lots of printers (like mine) come with scanners now and if yours doesn’t have one – you can pick one up for under $100. Try Amazon, Craigslist or Ebay. It’s a great way to catalog old non-digital photos, too. So… spend 20 minutes a week and scan any receipts you need to keep. Also, why not scan your product manuals and then recycle them?

File anything you need to keep that you don’t want to or have the ability to scan (pay stubs, etc.) Accordion files are pretty inexpensive, and don’t take up a ton of space.

I’ve never been much of a coupon girl. But recently, I’ve been paying more attention and started clipping a little bit. But I was just throwing them in the junk drawer and forgetting about them. It was time for a coupon organizer…so I headed to Etsy.com to find one that was interesting, hand made, and would support an artist! Cute, right?

Random Every Day Tip: I read this one years ago - When you leave a room, look around to see what you can take with you. Say you’re in the family room watching a movie and you have to take a bathroom break or grab a glass of water. Look around… can you take a couple of magazines to the recycle bin? If you’re going upstairs, is there anything that needs to go with you? We tend to accumulate shoes downstairs, and our bedroom is upstairs. Sometimes, I’ll even put things on the steps to remind myself when I go up. Maybe teach the kids to do the same? (I can hear you moms laughing already).

Random Tip for Less Paper: Sign up for paperless billing whenever possible. No paper bill will come to your house. You’ll get an email from the company that your bill is ready for viewing online. I do this with my mobile phone and utilities.

So we've made some changes that seem to be making a difference in our house. What are some of your favorite "less clutter" tips?

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Less Clutter: Part One

I’m so excited to have been asked by Beth at FakePlasticFish.com to write a post for her site! She was wondering if I had any tips on reducing clutter. Turns out… I do have some, but I need to be better. So this will be a two part series… Part One will be listing my own personal challenges. Part Two will be what I’ve learned and what tips and ideas I’ve started to incorporate.

Luckily, Bob’s pretty much on the same page as me in terms of simplifying. He doesn’t like to have a bunch of stuff laying around for no reason and he doesn’t buy unnecessary items. However, the every day stuff is more of a challenge for him…on any given day, you could walk into my house and find these 5 items either on the microwave, the mantel, or the dining room table: eye drops, wallet, keys, sunglasses, loose change. You know those “butler” things they make for men’s dressers? Yeah, he has one. What does he use it for? I couldn’t tell you… but I do know he doesn’t use it for this stuff. We need to think of a better system for the guy. I read an article once about a builder who was incorporating a “drop zone” in a home he was building. It was the coolest thing… cubbies for shoes, shelves, drawers, cabinets, hooks. It was lovely. But, we’re not building a new house nor are we remodeling. So, we have to come up with our own plan.

Another challenge is the fact that he is a Realtor and works from home often, and at any given time you will find folders, binders, house listing printouts, scraps of paper with phone numbers – again, on the dining room table or the coffee table. We do have a home office - but in reality, lots of phone calls come in when we’ve settled in for the night, and it’s much easier for him to have access to his active files and laptop, rather than needing to go into the office every time the phone rings. But I really don’t like our family room being overtaken by real estate.

Ok, so it’s not all Bob. Here’s my confession. I HATE folding and putting away laundry. I just do. I don’t know why… maybe because my mother made me do my own laundry from a pretty early age and it used to take me so long to fold (oh yeah, I’m still a bad folder) that I just resent it now? Or, maybe we don’t have enough storage space for clothes? Yeah, it’s probably the mother thing. So as a result, there’s usually a pile of clothing on my bedroom floor. I know Bob hates it, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s a good egg.

My last challenge is this: We always seem to have a pile somewhere of random items - receipts, warrantees, manuals, coupons, pay stubs. I have some ideas for this stuff that I will put into action.

The idea is to deal with these challenges without buying a bunch of plastic storage bins and containers. As I see this on “paper”, it looks a little overwhelming… but these are workable challenges, right?

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No Stuff Involved

I was sick all weekend. I watched a lot of tv. And I found myself envious....

The first show was about a couple on House Hunters International, who were moving to Nicaragua. All they wanted was to live near the beach. That's it. They didn't want a McMansion. They didn't want an infinity pool or a huge kitchen. They just wanted to surf. They led a simple life.

The second was a young guy who owns a bakery in upstate New York. He bakes bread and plays the fiddle. That's it. That's all he needs. He leads a simple life.

I am not someone who can be happy just baking bread and playing the fiddle.

But it's the concept that I love... the idea of simple things making us happy, finding joy in everyday moments instead of constantly searching for that "thing" that will do it for us. Walking through a farmer's market with my guy, sampling cheese and fruit... dancing with my 5 year old nephew in the kitchen... sharing a homemade meal with my brothers... visiting friends for lunch, and getting the best hugs ever from their kids... researching our next hike... these things make me happy. No "stuff" involved.

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